Sunday, October 16, 2011

ZombieHolocaust explains football to the undead.

Hey ghouls and gobbies,
it came to my attention today that many of us undead simply don't understand this game of football. Mostly stemming from the fact that we walking corpses don't generally take part in many sports, or from a bad experience from some meat head possibly in high school not understanding the undead way of life, thus leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth, whatever the reason, today I'm going to break it down in a way that any of us flesh hungry corpses can understand.

First of all, you must look at it from a completely different angle than society has laid it out to you (come on your used to that anyway admit it)

So pretend that you have a field, the moon is shining, the bats are flying and all manner of ghoulies are about, its time for some fun.

So imagine on one side you have a human, this human is holding a brain, a dripping glorious juicy delish brain. But this human is a familiar for a group of vamps, so what happens when the zombies want to get this brain? the vampires have to "protect" their familiar.Because honestly we are dealing with zombies here and although they want the brain, they are bound to try and get something else tasty out of this poor guy.
(Yes,I'm talking about protecting the quarterback...Seahawks I realize this is a foreign idea for some of you)
It's the humans job to start of the fun by either running the brain himself or throwing to a team mate, whatever carnage happens between here and there is variable. Both sides have one of these, but he only plays when the brain belongs to their particular team.

So the point system is this, the vamps have a side and the zombies have a side, each team wants to get the brain to their side of the field, the various ways this is done give them points:

Offensive (Zombie) Scoring:
Run brain to other side - 6 points

Kick the brain - 3 points

Runs the brain to their side from a close distance- 2 points

Try (extra point) - 1 point

Defensive (Vampire) Scoring:

runs brain to other side - 6 points

undead who is tackled on their own side - 2 points

Try Safety (only if the dumb ass corpse falls before kick) - 1 point

A mummy acts as the eyes for the teams to make sure the points are added up correctly and that no one is playing dirty, like grabbing entrails to interfere with the passing of the brain, senseless biting ect. However the mummy is old and his eyes are bad so sometimes things can slip by unnoticed or they may think they see something wrong when really they don't, plus, you know how mummys like gold...some can be bribed, however this is frowned upon and not likely, but tends to arouse suspicion amongst spectating monsters.

Both zombies and vampires want to win because they are being paid in massive amounts of human body parts and fillings, more than any monster really needs but it doesn't matter because whats an afterlife without any entertainment?

So if you find yourself in the position of not caring about human football, yet for some reason or another forced to observe, just relax and see it from a ghouls point of view.
I realize I broke this down pretty simply but the basic structure is all you really need to know.

wink wink nudge nudge, a winks as good as a nod to a blind bat know what I mean, know what I mean??

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